can we tawlk?

I've decided to start my own Blog Talk Radio show.

This may have come on the heels of my little platform anxiety attack a few posts ago, but it's actually something I've always fantasized about doing. Well, maybe not exactly a podcast, but when I listen to Click and Clack on Car Talk, for example, I think, Hey, I'd love to do that. Just sit in a studio and laugh for fifty minutes.

I'm not the only one to think so. My friends used to tell me that I could have my own talk show. Complete with desk and couches and bookcases in the backround. Had I lived in ancient Greek times, I'd have been a sophist, I'd tell my friends. The non rhet-comp ones would look at me funny and walk away.

What I'm working out right now is content. What will my show be about? How long will it be? Will I have guests? My finding things to talk about for a set period of time doesn't worry me -- I was vaccinated w/ a phonograph needle, as Groucho Marx used to say (man, is that joke dated). But how will I make it meaningful?

By doing what I always do -- make it about me.

I teach the class I would want to take. I write the books I would want to read. Am I writing the blog I would want to read? Sometimes I'm not so sure. But why not do the show I would want to listen to?

This seems like such a selfish MO, and I suppose it is, but it somehow works. The minute I start trying so hard to make it about what everyone else wants, it becomes nothing more than "product". Making it personal makes it authentic, and rather than going out to find the audience, the audience finds me.

My twin brother affirmed this when I asked him what kinds of things would interest him. As usual, he had a story told by a brilliant author: "Kurt Vonnegut once said that anyone who tries to make a movie from a Hemingway novel will fail because the movie will always be one character short." He meant Hemingway, of course.

I get what he means. We go see every Robert DiNiro movie because it's DiNiro. Or we listen to everything Eric Clapton does because it's Clapton. I watch or read everything Aaron Sorkin has ever written because it's Aaron Sorkin.

Artists make their mark by their style, but also by their persona. It's unfortunate that in most cases it's a media-distorted persona, but it's a persona nonetheless. My twin brother's suggestion was to be me -- whatever being me is all about -- and that will make the show good.

But first, practice. I have a newfound respect for radio personalities who make it seem so effortless. I did two mock shows using Audacity, a recording software that you can download for free, and realized that I have a ways to go before I post my first podcast show. And yet, I think it's gonna be fun. Heck, I've already recruited my brother to write theme music -- I promise you, that'll be the best part of the show.

In the meantime, I'm going to ask you, readers, what kind of show you would listen to if I were the host. Oh, and if you've got any suggestions for the name of the show, let me know that too.

last waltz

Of the blog tour, that is.

In a word, WOW.

What a blast I've had. As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, as a result of this blog tour and May's Massachusetts visit, I've sold approximately 100 books in print, download, and Kindle form; made all kinds of new contacts; gotten my book stocked in two new stores (the latest being Canio's Books)and the UMD library; and just plain had a lot of fun. I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks to every one of you who hosted me, visited each site, followed me from blog to blog, left comments, asked terrifc questions, and most of all, bought FAKING IT. I am truly touched and grateful that you showered me with so much attention and affection.

So, without further ado, please join me at one final blog: Tales and Troubled Times of the Hungry Writer. There I answer the popular question of who would play Devin in the movie version of FAKING IT, and tell the story of the very first story I ever wrote. Enjoy.

"break's over"

For those who don't know, my blog posts get routed to Facebook, and it was there that the majority of conversation took place regarding my previous post. I want to thank everyone both here and there who were so encouraging and offered advice and insight. I feel quite refreshed and ready to take on the world again.

Oh, and I got another print sale last night. Go figure.

For one thing, at the end of the day, it is all about the writing. You all reminded me of and affirmed that. For another thing, you just never know. Some people get discovered after literally selling books out of the trunk of their car. Others spend years building that so-called platform. But I've seen through the lens of my brothers' musical careers: there really is no formula, no one right way to do it. You just keep doing what you do well and be as determined and persistent as you can.

Tomorrow marks the last day of my blog tour. Join me at Roberto Scarlato's (great name!!) blog Tales and Troubled Times of a Hungry Writer. Rob contacted me last week and quickly convinced me that he is both passionate about writers and writing. I can tell he's going to be a longtime supporter, and I'm honored not only to add his blog to my list, but to welcome him into the fold. Thanks, Rob!

a bit sobering

I've had a good month. A good two months, really. I've sold close to 100 books in Kindle, download, and print forms combined, made a bunch of new contacts, received favorable reviews, and increased traffic to almost every blog on my tour. All good. I met David Sedaris. I've made new friends. Even better. And yet, I read this blog post about authors needing a platform before they're even considered by a publisher or agent, and suddenly all my strides feel like feeble, fumbling baby steps.

"...if you’re not bringing some media vehicle or even lecture circuit audience with you on your way to the publisher, I would highly recommend starting to build some inroads there. Not all at once, don’t get yourself overwhelmed, step by step, effort to start creating your platform.

"That means, what media or other experience do you bring to the fore. And, what are the odds of having that media welcome you back another time. Or, do you have your own radio show, are you a regular columnist for a newspaper or magazine, do you have a blog that has a jillion subscribers? Or, better yet, do you have a radio show, a column AND a killer blog? Not to mention a regular guest spot on one of America’s favorite tv talk shows."

Oy vey!! I thought my guest spot on The Artist's Craft was impressive!

This could be just my feeling overwhelmed at the moment, or sour grapes, or both, but isn't that a lot to ask of an author? Does every author have to be a journalist? Does every author have to have some kind of media experience or background? Does every author have to have submitted a story to Glimmer Train? What if they're not technology-savvy? What if they simply don't have the contacts? What if they're computer software anaylists and by day and single parents by default?

One of my brothers calls me periodically to argue with me, mainly about the destruction of capitalism as we know it. He wants gov't out of education, health care, banking (especially banking), you name it. More and more I'm conceding his point of view (that's another post for another forum), but my point is that he makes a bold claim that no one has to settle for their financial standing or circumstances. In any case, he poses the question: What do you want, and what are you willing to do to get it?

I certainly think the question applies to my own situation. How big a platform do I need in order to be worthy of an agent or publisher's attention? How much more do I need to do? Am I willing to do it?

Add one more question: What excuses are holding me back?

At this very moment, plenty.
- No journalism experience.
- I don't write short stories or "literary" fiction.
- Need to keep teaching in order to pay bills, keep health insurance, etc.
- Don't know Oprah.

And those are the ones off the top of my head. All excuses, though. Underneath all that is just a tightness in my chest: Fear.

How long is it going to take for me to get where I want to be? And what if I never get there? Aren't they going to keep moving back the goalposts? Aren't the platform requirements going to get bigger and bigger and bigger? Say, sell a gazillion copies, start your own social networking site and put Facebook out of business, write unplagiarized articles for the NY Times, get your picture taken w/ Hugh Jackman, and get Oprah to follow you on Twitter.

That's not asking much.

This blog tour has been a blast. It's also been exhausting, like any other tour might be, I would imagine. I'm glad it's coming to an end. But promotion doesn't stop. My platform can't be abandoned. And apparently I don't have a platform as much as just a small stoop. With a pet door.

I'm overwhelmed. The naive dreamer in me thought it was all about the writng.

And yet, I hear a faint voice, striving to be heard in the midst of the panic: Be patient.
Be patient, she says. Step by step. You're doing everything you're supposed to be doing. You're on the right track, and you'll get there simply because you want to and because you can.

In the meantime, what's next? I hear my to-do list calling my name.

it's Brenda, not Barbara

First off, thanks to everyone who came to Writers Inspired. Yesterday's appearance was by far the most successful stop on my tour. The unexpected endorsement from Lululdotcom on Twitter certainly helped. I can't wait to find out who wins the signed copy of Faking It! Come back to the site just to check out all the great conversation that took place in the comments. I just love when readers ask questions!

Today's appearance is at the brand new website of Brenda Bartella Peterson. Brenda has written an inspiring book about the twenty most important values that shape our being, and she accompanies each mini-lesson with her own powerful stories. Learn all about her while you're there, and check out some of her own writing!

My guest post is a lesson in memoir, straight out of John Trimbur's The Call to Write (my rhet-comp friends will smile at that!). Among other things, I speculate what kind of memoirs Andi, a self-proclaimed memoirist, writes.

Last night on Facebook I noticed that Brenda accidentally spelled my name as "Eliza" (just like David Sedaris!). So I politely corrected her. Moments later, I checked my emails and found a gracious note. "Loved your post. Hope you don't mind that I made one change. You kept calling me Barbara."

D'oh!

When I'd drafted the post, I hadn't even realized that I'd accidentally referred to her as Barbara throughout. Didn't even notice it when I proofread it! We had a great laugh over it. What goes around comes around.

Enjoy, folks. I've got one more appearance to wrap up the blog tour next week that I'll post tomorrow. A great young guy who's passionate about writing and writers. In the meantime, if you haven't had a chance to do so, check out my evening with David Sedaris below.

an evening with David ( w/ a spoiler alert for Pam)

I've just gotten back from Quail Ridge Books after meeting David Sedaris, getting two copies of his book signed, and laughing for an hour while he read unpublished work revolving around an email exchange between two women, the presidential election, and what has become a theme on this present tour, breast milk.

I had stopped by the store last week to buy a copy of Sedaris' latest book for my cousin Pam and secure a spot in the signing line. My ticket read "G". Good spot. Real good spot.

The reading was to start at 6:00. Anticipating that it was going to be crowded (this is Raleigh's most celebrated homosexual, after all -- I mean that as a compliment), I figured arriving by 5 would secure me a seat, figuring the signing was going to follow the reading.

Wrong.

The parking alone was worse than the Smith Haven Mall at Christmas. Worse than church at Easter Vigil. Worse than a State vs. Carolina game. I found a spot where no one thought to look, then hoofed to the store, already PACKED, the signing line already up to "N".

Shitters.

Not to worry, though; they let me on the end of the line, and as it slowly moved, I wondered if I was going to have the nerve to give him my book. I'd signed it (not inscribed, though) and had it tucked away in my "Think Globally Act Rhetorically" tote bag from the 2007 Conference of College Composition and Communication, but there were so many people and the line was moving so slowly that I honestly didn't think I was going to make it to the signing table by 6, let alone chat about my little novel.

While on line, a QRB employee announced the signing rules: ticket, books, CDs, yada yada, no memorabilia or photos allowed... no memorabilia?

Did that mean no presenting signed self-published books?

It was almost 5 minutes to 6 when I finally made it to the signing table. I knew the woman behind me was thinking, please don't let this girl talk on and on (because that's what I was thinking about the three women before me), so I decided to play it by ear.

The first thing he did was look in the vicinity of my chest. I was wearing my Wonder Woman t-shirt. People often look in the vicinity of my chest when I'm wearing my Wonder Woman t-shirt. Even women. Even me.

Then he made small talk. We had a little debate about my name after he read it on the post-it to ensure proper spelling.
"Hi, Eliza."
"El-EE-sa," I corrected politely and jovially.
"That says Eliza," he said.
"It really doesn't," I replied.
"Oh, I guess not. There's no Z."

He drew a kitty cat on the title page.

"Ooh goody, a cat!" I exclaimed.
"Do you have a cat?"
"I don't."
"You will," he predicted, squinting his eyes. "I'm a see-er. On Septemberrr... 4th. You're going to get a cat."
"Awesome."

I handed him the next book to sign.
"Who's Pam?"
"My cousin. She just got married on the Outer Banks."
"Oh, nice. You probably don't know her husband at all."
"We've met several times. He's a cool guy."

I decided to say something.

"So, I'm a published author as well."
"Really?"
"Yes, I wrote a novel."
"Really! What's it called?"
"Faking It."
"Faking It?"
"Faking It."
"Faking It..." He smiled curiously. "When did you release it?"
I told him. Then told him about the protagonist (although I think I used the words 'main character', or just plain 'character') mentioning him and one of his essays in the book.
He smiled.

I knew that what he's really thinking was, I have never heard of you or your silly little book. Are you for real, you and your Wonder Woman t-shirt?

I might have mumbled the words "self-published" in there somewhere, and also mentioned it being in my tote bag, but time was running out, and the woman standing behind me was thinking, please don't take out the g--damned book, and there were just so many people there, and the moment just didn't feel right. Where was he going to put it? What if they yelled at me and said, "no memorabilia!"? What if he laughed out loud and said, "you're kidding, right?"? All these things went through my mind.

Thus, I chickened out. In my tote bag it stayed.

By the time I got my book signed, it was minutes before the reading. The store was filled to capacity. Seriously. The entire store. I managed to secure a place behind a bookcase where I had a perfect, unobstructed view and could rest my elbows on the shelf to boot. And so I did. Between waiting on line for the signing and the reading, I was standing still for two hours.

But it was worth it.

Better still, I was able to get the heck out of there with my signed books afterwards and be home by 8:00. It felt good to hoof it back to my car and get the blood flowing from my knees to my feet. They were predicting that he'd be there signing books until 1am.

There's a voice inside me yelling at me right now for being so chicken, especially when, at the end of the reading, he held up two books by two other authors that he was plugging, unbeknownst to them. it turned out that of the two books was put into his hands -- you guessed it -- during a signing. What can I say. Maybe, when he's sitting in RDU waiting to take off to the next city, he'll think, What was that about Faking It???

With my luck, he'll get the Jennifer Crusie novel of the same title. And love it. And start plugging her.

When I opened Pam's copy to see what he wrote, I couldn't help but smile:
To Pam,
with the pleasure of meeting your enchanting cousin

It was the Wonder Woman t-shirt, I'll bet.

Writers Inspired and inspiring writers

Today I appear at Writer's Inspired for another Q&A as well as a book giveaway in which a lucky reader will win a signed copy of FAKING IT. One of the biggest perks of this blog tour has been connecting with new people. Mary Jo Campbell, proprietor of Writer's Inspired, has been a delight to work with; clearly she is passionate about writing, and she has the same love of reciting movie lines with her family as I do! ("Have fun storming the castle!") Please do check out her blog.

Speaking of inspiring writers, David Sedaris is appearing at Quail Ridge Books in Raleigh this evening. You must purchase his book to get a ticket to stand in the signing line (if there are any left). Davide Sedaris is one of my favorite writers, just hilarious when it comes to the personal essay. I learned a lot about comedy just by reading his work. I've assigned his essays to my classes, even.

Several years ago, Sedaris had appeared at a book store on Long Island. My twin brother and his then-girlfriend attended the reading. My brother listened intently while Sedaris read. Afterwards, when he brought up his book to be signed, Sedaris looked at his girlfriend.
"You must have dragged him out here," he said, gesturing to my wombmate.
"Quite the opposite!" she said. "He's the fan!"
Sedaris (face turning serious): "Then why weren't you laughing???"
Wombmate: "I didn't want to miss a word."
Sedaris: "So you thought it was funny?"
Wombmate: "I thought it was hilarious."
Sedaris: "I saw you in the audience, not laughing, and it got to the point where I was trying to make YOU laugh, no one else."
Wombmate (now laughing): "I loved it, really."

Sedaris signed his book: To... So nice to finally meet you in person.

I can't wait to meet him!